HOLY LAND ADVENTURES, Part 4

Current Public Scene

I’m happy to say there have been no traumatic experiences here for several weeks, personally or politically. Though the struggles still wage between Fatah and Hamas, I have not personally experienced the unrest in any public situations here, but I know it is completely dire in the Gaza Strip.

On the drive to Bethlehem last Monday, we received word about the Palestinian suicide bomber in Elat. This is always the worst news, because it perpetually means that this ‘bomber’ ruins it for an entire society in which it “stands for”, all in one senseless act of violence. One could even say that these actions are only a suicide for the society in which they originate, and are NEVER a solution to anything, but set into motion endless bad effects. As for Israeli’s response to this barbaric action, they will be justified in the world’s eyes to lock down the travel and movements of the Palestinian people even more than in the previous moment. They will, as we say in sailing, “batten down the hatches” (i.e. close all possible doors). It becomes apparent that this is a vicious circle, going around and around, but never upward. This is what makes living here most difficult, because it eventually comes around to this seemingly hopeless, heartbreaking reality, begging the loud question, “how will this ever move into Peace?”

January

Though I mentioned there have been no outward traumas lately, it has been a tough month for me. It comes down to more than one thing. In addition to the collapsing sense of attainable peace in the region, I am simply suffering from the duration of living in a town not my own. It is not my ‘forever’ home, and I’m not with the man I love and married, Lee, who is an enormous world away. I guess this is what they call being ‘homesick’. Secondly, on a creative level I am suffering a bit of a withdrawal from the daily creative process that my music assumes back in Michigan. There, I know what I do every day, and all my tools are in the same building, ready to be worked, from music to instruments to technology to business to physical exercise. But here, I have to learn an entirely new process of how I go about working on everything on a daily basis. Thankfully, there is a small performance hall here at the Conservatory (I live next door), and so it has become one of my practice spaces.

The difficult feelings produced from this ‘scattered’ daily work simulates fasting. I am in a sense having to “fast’ from the variety of ways in which I create music back home, as well as the many forms that my individual practice assumes. It has not helped that the Conservatory itself does not have any music groups for adult participation—no collaborative music-making possibilities, which is an enormous thing I thought I WOULD be coming into---a new culture’s music. So I will have to pick it up on my own, that’s all. There are a couple of small groups, but since no one has any idea what I do or how I play, I’m not being asked to sit in. Following the shock of this status quo, though, I’ve just poured myself deeper into my own work, and it keeps me going.

Incidentally, I have been told that this is a particularly tough year for the Conservatory---that there used to be many groups and concerts---but not this year. I see it is a tough year for them, too, and so I will keep trying to help in whatever small ways I can, which really means keep on teaching…

The interesting thing about the ‘fasting’ feeling is that this is a positive opportunity to get back to basics. To live my life on a smaller, more contained level that doesn’t require such specialized tools, technology, rooms, routines, or situations. It is good to have to hone in all one’s creativity and condense it into a smaller box. But it is a painful process, nevertheless. Painful, like going to the dentist and having teeth pulled, though it is just what will later show up to be the right process…but who likes pain? Nevertheless, experiencing pain with change is inevitable.

Add to all this one more shortfall, that of satisfying my complete NEED for nature in its purest form---and you can see that I have been a caged lion! Being born and raised in the vast natural expanse of Montana, I have never gotten used to being without the opportunity to return to the natural world on a daily basis, if necessary. This love affair I have with nature is actually what gives and teaches me true perspective in life. A wider, larger perspective, not just the fickle indoor one of staring at one’s navel. Nature is where, when I look around and see only the God-given natural world, I gain new insight and outlook toward everything---it is like magic. No, it is like the Divine! It is natural sound, natural sights, natural smells, and natural touch out in this purer world. Each of these aspects affects me deeply. It immediately sorts out the minds dross from the good stuff. Nature “blows the dust off your soul”, I say. I always remember a line from a Thomas Hardy classic, “Far From the Madding Crowd”, that says: “God was palpably about the countryside, while the Devil went with the world to town”. I completely concur. (Though not implying any demonization to town-dwellers!)

Nature in Ramallah

Here, the natural world breaks my heart. What more can I say? Nature is rare here. There are various land plots and fields throughout Ramallah, all of which have quite literally become garbage dumps. Some of them are near the center of the city itself. Every opportunity for ‘real’ nature---where there is bare land---there could develop at least a little park or something. Instead, it is used as a receptacle for refuse, and mirrors a disregard for its existence, or at least a blind eye toward it.

This really confuses me, because when I think about the heart of the Occupation here, the lack of Peace in this region, it is about LAND. So why aren’t the Palestinians, in this city, anyway, loving the land as demonstrated by how they take care of it? Not as property, but truly caring for and stewarding it as they would their own children. It is the purest form of ‘offspring’, and the longest lasting legacy over time, in fact. I speak only of what I have seen, the surroundings in which I live. I have hopes for a day when the Palestinians will recognize their land as the only precious resource they really have, and dedicate themselves as a CITY to cherishing it, making it the Land of Milk and Honey, as this whole country is said to be, according to early biblical writings…

Recently, while I was in a market buying things, I mentioned that I did not need a bag, I had my backpack. The man replied, “Oh, you are with the new party, then?” I didn’t know what he meant, but guessed that it was political. I said, “No, but I take it they are against bags?” He smiled and said, “Oh, yes! But we Palestinians are too busy to think about ecology and such things, there is so much more that we have to worry about! We can’t worry about the little things!” I was stunned by the remark, recognizing both its truth, and the complete MISTAKE of this thinking. Here was my opportunity to at least plant a seed on the idea of “land cherishing”. But instead, I absolutely lost courage and could not address the subject! I simply said, “Yes—that’s a tricky thing, isn’t it?”

Choosing Nature, and its sacrifices

All my life, no matter where I have lived, I have chosen to live outside of any town or city, but rather in the countryside. This is no accident on my part. I choose the countryside because I know this is where I best thrive, thanks to the natural world. Sure, I travel and am booked in cities all over the world, but these are all temporary visitations.

Along with the tremendous reward of living in the country, it has meant some sacrifices along the way, mainly in the form of conveniences. Other than my own petty inconveniences not worth listing, Lee suffers them most in his 45-minute drive ONE WAY to teach at a university, which is his work. Sure, I happily say to him, “just use the time to really have your own private reflections”. Sounds wonderful. But the truth is, he makes this sacrifice because he’s a completely loving human being, and happened to marry a freak who can’t seem to live without these sure levels of nature…Luckily, he also loves nature, but probably doesn’t ‘require’ it as much I do.

Another sacrifice by living in the country has been mine to make, and that is musically. These more remote, chosen places to dwell in the universe do not necessarily lend themselves to vast numbers of musicians from which to choose in collaboration. It has been more important for me to be able to live a particular kind of life rather than give up my life and live in an area where there are a great number of high-quality musicians from which to choose. I will work with anyone who isn’t afraid to work hard and wants to shoot for the highest possible standard, period. But I have learned that in these more remote areas, there is a wide variance on what it means to really work hard and shoot for the highest standards...Therefore, living from place to place in the country has without a doubt changed the way in which I create music. It has forced me to become more self-reliant in trying to make full productions of new music, all by myself. Playing as many of the parts as possible on keyboards (with every sound imaginable), flutes, percussion, voice---anything I can find, as well as doing the engineering. Of course it has its limitations on the level which is always ‘me’, and whatever my capabilities are at the moment, but it has enabled me to continue my work rather than putting anything on hold searching for just the right collaborations outside…Ultimately, I prefer to be the weak link in my own situation, as I then can’t hold anyone responsible for it but myself, and I like working hard!

Back to the Natural World in Ramallah

It is almost ironic that I currently find myself a City-Dweller---here in Ramallah, in a terrific apartment I talked about in Part 3. When I first moved in, my Landlady, Rima, was out of town. It was at a period when I was feeling I couldn’t live here much longer, due to the various things I have just described—mainly feeling creatively pent-up. One day, I happened to see this beautiful yard next to the house where my apartment is located. I was sure it was someone’s private property, but I dared to walk onto it, as I didn’t see anyone around. I cannot describe how it felt, having been starved for nature at this point: it was like walking into Paradise. There are olive trees, orange trees, lemon trees---all with fruits on them. Green grass--but it is actually clover as the grass--a multitude of plants, and no garbage! To my happy surprise, while I looked around I realized that this was RIMA’S YARD!! My frozen soul thawed from this beauty, and it meant that I could also possibly have the freedom to indulge in this natural place without sneaking in! Now I knew I could ‘do this’ part of the world for a longer period, as I had even been thinking of coming home early. But now knew I could endure, as this was the frosting on the cake for me.

Recently, I asked Rima if she might permit me to do some pruning now and then. She was thrilled, and said her late husband used to spend hours in the yard, as he loved it very much. I was so excited that I could do this, getting an excuse to be in nature, and have physical activity to do while there! She has helped me in ways she doesn’t know! It was just last week when I got to do this, and the day was probably very high 70’s (Fahrenheit), blue sky, birds singing---all was beautiful and alive, and I was no longer a caged lion.

A couple of days ago I walked and walked, heading out of town. Of course, looking for more nature…What I have the ‘craving’ for, I know I’m in the wrong country to be able to satisfy--- a noisy river and woods! But anything will do, knowing it is a different world here. I found two wonderful places, so far! One is a beautiful but barren rocky high point, where there were two flowers blooming! There was also a pack of stray dogs there, but they were more afraid of me than I, them. The other nature place was even farther away (I walked two hours), and was a hillside outside of town.

The terrain here is very interesting, like none I’ve ever lived in. Very dry, barren, rocky, and nearly all the places in this area are terraced hillsides. I sat there for a long time just taking in all the natural beauty---though a completely different kind of beauty to experience. I sat taking in the lay of the land on a large scale. It was a bit cloudy in the distance, but I’m quite sure I can see the sea from there—near Tel Aviv. It just felt good to be OUT and to look around from on high. Thus, I gained new perspective, and have been completely renewed by all of this. It is even better knowing just where to go, next time.

Combine the satisfaction of working hard on my music in every way I can think of, finding nature, having a great health club to attend downtown, and I'm feeling quite content. It helps that I will give two concerts here this month! One in Jerusalem, and one here in Ramallah. I sure need them! Hope some of the community will want to attend…this is the scary part…I have a feeling that not much will happen by way of publicizing the concert, so perhaps no one will even know about them...But at least Lee will be there!

Thanks for listening to my chatter. I always welcome your feedback or comments. If my website server supported it, I’d have an onsite submission window where anyone could say what is on their mind in feedback, if desired…but for now, you just have me to talk to…lucky you. :)

Rhonda

February 4, 2007